Restarting Your Life After a Difficult Divorce

Amanda Winstead

There are few things more upsetting than going through a divorce. Sometimes, it may seem like you may never recover. The sadness can be tough to take, and it is completely understandable that you are upset. Throughout your coping efforts, you will need to get back on your feet and restart.

Today, we would like to talk a bit about the grief that you will likely experience after a divorce and the steps that you can take to feel better and reclaim your life once again.

Understand Your Grief

In order to start the process of restarting your life, it is important to first understand your grief and why you feel the way that you do. The fact is that grief comes in phases. During the first phase, you need to think about how you feel and get a firm understanding of your emotions. It is natural to want to lash out, but it is essential to let out your feelings in a healthy way. Talking to a therapist or family and friends can help.

As you go through the acceptance and adjustment phases, you will continue to feel a rollercoaster of emotions. Eventually, you will get to a place where you know that you have the strength to make a change. You can process your emotions by writing out your feelings in a journal every night. This allows you to remove the negative thoughts from swirling in your head, understand what you’re feeling a bit more, possibly come up with some revelations, and get the rest that you need.

It is important to monitor and healthily cope with anxiety and trauma because unresolved trauma can have adverse effects on your body. It can even change your chemistry and fill you with unneeded stress hormones. As a result, you could see an increase in your blood pressure and your heart rate, which could lead to more urgent health matters. If you have custody of the kids, then you will want to be there for them, so it is important that you try to find purpose again and restart your life. You don’t have to jump all in right away but take baby steps until you are in a better place. No one completely heals and is happy forever — that’s a myth. You just learn to cope and be grateful for all the challenges life throws your way. Without the lows, the highs wouldn’t seem so wonderful.

Practice Self-care

Once you begin to regain control of your emotions, you will want to take steps to practice self-care and improve your body and mind. 

Start by ensuring that you get enough sleep every night. You should aim for seven to nine hours per night. When you get proper sleep, you rest your body and your mind. Your immune system repairs itself after the work of the day, and you wake up feeling refreshed and ready for a new day. It may be difficult to get to sleep when you are emotional and upset, but you can help matters by journaling or reading a book as you lay in bed. Avoid using your cell phone at night as the blue light can negatively impact your circadian rhythm.

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When you wake up, consider fitting in 20 minutes of cardio and light weights. Exercise is great because it gets your heart pumping and helps you to let out some frustration. Plus, it will give you some natural energy to get through the day. On top of that, try to eat healthy foods whenever possible, including food filled with protein, for a natural boost.

You also need to do things throughout the day that can help you to feel better about yourself, like changing clothes or buying a new outfit. Surprisingly, something as simple as the colors we wear can make us feel different emotions. For example, the color red is associated with strength and energy, while yellow promotes hope and positive thinking. If you are in the market for a new outfit, then buy something you like, put it on, stand in front of the mirror, and tell yourself how strong you really are.

Finances and Other Considerations When Restarting Your Life

As you eventually feel better and regain hope for the future, you will want to begin restarting the other aspects of your life, starting with healing your post-divorce finances.

If you are currently working, then continue to do so and make sure that the assets from the divorce were properly set up so you can ensure that you are getting everything that you’re worth. If you spent a lot of money on the divorce, then your credit score may have taken a hit. If it did, then you can begin to repair it by paying off your credit cards on time every month.

In the case that money is tight, you may want to consider bringing in some extra cash by working a side gig, like online tutoring or driving for a delivery service. Use that money to pay off your cards and start an emergency fund so you can be prepared for any other unexpected expenses.

It may also be necessary to find a new living arrangement after the divorce is finalized. What you do will depend on your financial situation, but you may want to avoid making any big decisions and instead rent for a while. If you want a fresh start, then consider moving out of your current town and trying a new place. Then, see what your new life brings.

There is no question about it. Restarting your life after a difficult divorce is not easy, but by taking your time and following these steps, you will start to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

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Amanda Winstead is a writer from the Portland area with a background in communications and a passion for telling stories. Along with writing she enjoys traveling, reading, working out, and going to concerts. If you want to follow her writing journey, or even just say hi you can find her on Twitter.  

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